20 things

Checking out a fellow writer’s blog I found this little nugget of fun. Thanks Regan!

20 things I’m too smart/cowardly to say (to people who shall remain nameless)

(For the record, I’ve actually gone out of my way and said some things that most people would only include on a list like this, so I included those, too – note the *)

1. Hey, I might not be a size 00 or even a size 10, but I’m an awesome person. You’re loss, pal.
2. How does it feel to take a life?* (not one of my better moments)
3. I’m sorry, but that outfit just is not working for you.
4. You are a selfish, homewrecking slut and I never want to speak to you again.*
5. Did I not get the part because I’m just a little not-slim, or was I really just no good?
6. I can do this, I’ve done it, and I’m good, and yet you still won’t hire me. Is it because I’m a female?
7. The way you said you wish someone would love you? I loved you like that. Still could.*
PAUSE – This is really hard, because I honestly usually say what I think. Hence all the asterisked ‘true story’ remarks. Okay, time to really dig deep.
8. Everyone knows you took the money. Every time. How can you look people in the face and lie?
9. I was renting that air conditioner for the summer? Are you f***ing kidding me?
10. That wasn’t a chocolate chip.
11. I’m glad you aren’t around. You don’t deserve to know him. You probably never did.
12. I just want to kiss you, I don’t want anything else.
13. I think you could be an awesome boyfriend, but I need someone who has a job, a real one. And who doesn’t do drugs (or sell them). And who takes their medication (or doesn’t need to).
14. You really are a horrible kisser. It might not be your fault, but it’s still true.
15. Those are attached!*
16. Sometimes I wish you were mine instead of hers, but I know everything happens for a reason.
17. I think it’s ridiculous that you’re 37 and still living with your parents, I don’t care how much money you’re saving.
18. You don’t deserve another minute with those boys, and I can’t wait till they grow up and realize what a deadbeat, disrespectful, dishonest, slandering, pandering, two-faced, selfish creature you are. I hope I’m there.
19. Shutup or divorce her already. I’m tired of hearing your whining. Divorce isn’t the end of the world. Neither are two of them. Just stand up for yourself for once!
20. GROW UP.* (I hate telling people this, because it’s totally overrated, but it was necessary in this particular instance.)




Filed under My life

2 responses to “20 things

  1. I say #20 pretty often myself.

  2. Em

    10. That wasn’t a chocolate chip.

    Oh dear.

    Instead of continuing to imagine what the item in question might have been, I am just going to pretend that meant it was a carob chip.

    And I don’t even like carob.

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